Listen: The five worst Brooklyn dates

She’s not having seconds!

Brooklyn’s official chronicler of creepy Margaret Bortner of joined Gersh and Vince on Brooklyn Paper Radio to talk about the worst dates she’s ever gone on in Brooklyn — including one where her potential love interest got drunk and hit her with a chair.

The scintillating conversation led to this letter from a listener who described herself only as “Gersh Kuntzman’s Girlfriend:”

“I am writing in with a question for today’s guest, wanting to know if I am allowed to be dismayed by a dating experience I had. I am Gersh Kuntzman’s girlfriend, and we are still together, so obviously his dating behavior was not so gratuitous as the horrific ones you have been put through. And it may be important to know that I am significantly older than you, as Gersh is — as I’m sure you can see — so no doubt some of my dating expectations are out of dates even antiquated.

“What happened is simply this. It was our third date, and he invited me to his apartment in Brooklyn where he cooked a delicious dinner for me. I lived in Harlem and arrived at 7:30 after my work day, and he treated me beautifully. The drinks were good, the food delicious, the conversation light and easy. I did notice that Gersh tended to narrate everything as he went along, as in ‘Gersh Kuntzman does it again!’ Or ‘And that’s what I do.’ Or ‘Its the year of Gersh!’ But perhaps this continual chatter about himself was just practice for this radio show.

“Anyway, despite this oddity, it was a great date. One thing led to another, and we made out like teenagers. Gersh, in fact, got quite lucky (not to be too explicit). At 2:30 am I said I needed to go home. “He asked me to stay over — which I appreciated — but he seemed to have forgotten that I have a dog. I needed to go home to take my dog out, not to mention to be at work by 8 the next morning. (An hour Gersh had never witnessed until recently).

“And this is the part that dismays me. Gersh puffed up his chest and said, ‘Well, you know, I know how to treat a lady. So I’m going to … walk you to the F train.’

“I pictured myself at 2:30 am waiting on the F train platform, then again on the A, and then again on the C, and maybe if I was lucky getting home at 4:30. Was I being too old-fashioned to hope that my date might not like the idea of this? When I said I would probably just get car service home, he acted shocked. I was shocked that he thought walking me to the train was an act of the greatest chivalry.

“Who was right?”

Kuntzman being Kuntzman, he backed up her claims — and then some.

“Everything she says is 100 percent accurate, in this case and in every case,” Kuntzman told The Paper Radio.

We’ll wait for an answer from Bortner and post it as soon as it arrives.

Also on the show, Brooklyn Paper deputy editor Ruth Brown joined the boys and discussed the possibility of hosting Brooklyn’s one and only presidential debate, which they all think should take place right here at the Brooklyn Paper Building in America’s Downtown.

And, Caribbean Life reporter Alley Olivier gave a riveting account of her nearly two weeks on a jury tasked with determining if the man charged with being the Park Slope Groper was in fact responsible for the devious acts.

Olivier takes you behind the closed doors of the jury room to find out exactly what went down, and how she convinced Jack Klugman to change his mind.

Brooklyn Paper radio is webcast live every Monday at 4:30 pm from our studio inside the Brooklyn Paper Building Downtown. It can also be downloaded for free from iTunes every week.